Dr. Shanna Bayrd, NMD (Dr. Delight!)
My true self – buried during dark, formative years – wasn’t lost.
Like many of you, I was full of self-doubt and confusion about my identity and purpose for existing. In my home growing up, a constant undercurrent of darkness squashed my natural gifts of sharing emotional warmth and real spiritual depth. My inner light, which is my connection to God within, unlocked the abilities I use to help others now. As you will see, it took decades for me to access that precious key.
The raging storms of the North Carolina coast where we lived were quite fitting to set the tone of my young life. As a child, my alcoholic father and emotionally absent mother left me feeling bereft and forgotten. It seemed no one really cared to understand who I was inside or help me become the mature version of her. This might echo your thoughts of childhood.
Raised in the patriarchal church, combined with strong southern culture, I was expected to be a “good girl.” However, I believed something was inherently wrong with me, especially as a female (my interpretation of being born a sinner under the curse of Eve). Thus, my natural child-like curiosity was repressed and a healthy sense of myself as a person wasn’t able to develop.
There was no acknowledgment of humans as sexual beings or understanding of sexuality presented. If the subject arose, adults and the church would either condemn or ignore it. Little did they know, this oversight would push me into desperation and confusion as my life story progressed. The combination of emotional neglect and spiritual abuse contributed to unbearable pain and deep suppression of my unrealized, true self.
My lack of awareness as I grew up unleashed a spiral of destruction.
Like life for so many, it got worse before it got better. The shame and psychological damage from my story came out as worthlessness, suicidal ideations, and overachievement. I strove to be a “perfect daughter,” but in the back of my mind, I felt uneasy with achievement as my only method for approval.
The constant fear of failure and lack of authentic acknowledgement turned into depression, and I came into puberty with no guidance or sense of connection to myself. Because of this experience, I see how powerfully acknowledgement fosters belonging, and I have brought it into my work as I support others through the process of self-love.
As a teen, I was increasingly confused about the seeming mismatch of my perceived life experience (a smart, pretty, lively girl with everything going for me) and my actual experiences (I felt lonely, sad, and afraid inside). The resulting internal conflict created anger, which grew into full-fledged rebellion.
The rage was unleashed. If I had seen it for its truth, a desperate shove out of depression by my will to live, I would never have chosen the path it led me down. Recognizing this pattern in myself helps me see when others have harbored similar experiences and lends perspective as I help them probe into their own stories. I now can help people prevent transgressions down dark paths. If I had someone like me in my corner back then, I could’ve avoided so many mistakes. Ce la vie.
Enter the numbing to rock bottom.
In college, I studied human psychology at UNC-Wilmington, where I earned my BA with honors. At the same time, under the well-disguised veil of fun, I began a subconscious numbing process for the pain I carried. I went full steam into avoiding pain, becoming on top of the world and life-of-the-party-high, which looked more like mania due to my vendetta to rid myself of bad feelings.
Despite constantly being around so many people, I felt alone. I really didn’t have any idea who I was anymore either. In a trance of self-destruction, I abused my body until it shut off any feeling. I also developed many chronic physical issues, which I blatantly ignored. (Sound familiar?) As part of my manic mindset, I believed I was above such things.
A series of events began the humbling process of waking me up: I got arrested, broke my leg, and my boyfriend left me for his career. As I went through the motions of life, my spirit was increasingly dissatisfied and restless with my own inauthenticity. I realized that I hated what my life had become and who I was pretending to be. I also knew in my mind and heart that I had lost myself in a world of hurt, which is such a common human experience.
God picked me up and gave me purpose.
Amidst the pain, I heard an unmistakable call within my soul, and I knew it was time to make a change. I said goodbye and left the beach, my home of 26 years. I headed to Arizona for a fresh start, to begin naturopathic medical school. In my mind, I was going on a spiritual sabbatical in the desert, a journey to connect to God within myself. I had no idea how, but I was determined. This same determination to set things right has fueled my passion to develop the therapeutic tools I use in practice now.
Fast forward six years: I was in a life-changing relationship, graduated from med school as a doctor with a special interest in mind-body healing, and was a mother to a beautiful daughter. It was then I started looking at myself and memories I had avoided out of fear of what might be discovered. One might say, “The places I had come to fear the most.”
Shadows uncovered.
I knew I needed someone to hold a safe space to explore my subconscious mind. So, I went to see a spiritual healing woman I trusted. She helped me mobilize my emotions from where they lay dormant in my body, and from there, I experienced a major turning point in my healing journey. Flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse burst into my throat, becoming screams I had never been able to express.
With this revelation, my miserable internal life story finally made sense! The hidden shame of this early abuse had permeated my life story like rotten food in a packed refrigerator. I was stunned at the profound impact of this new awareness. Due to my years of specialized education, I was privy to a wide array of unconventional tools that I could use to make significant healing shifts.
I began to examine ideas I had about the world from my upbringing using tactics and methods I had learned in school. I researched the psychology of my story and discovered new perspectives, identified lies I had been believing about my identity and place in the world, and sought the truth.
As my inner world healed, my outer world changed.
I had a powerful moment of emotional redemption with my mother and forgave her for her role in my young life, and with God by my side, I opened my heart to fulfill my purpose, which I could now identify clearly. As I followed naturopathic principles for health, life-long physical ailments miraculously were gone! The best part was that my buried natural warmth and delightful, enthusiastic spirit were free to emerge.
In my work, I use the depth and internal grit developed from my experiences to navigate the many deeper roots of illness and pain with my patients. I have a gift to see and connect to the core of a wounded person. I know that everyone has the capacity for abundant joy, and I want to help people attain and fulfill their potential.
I know firsthand that the most painful places inside our bodies and minds hold the answers we seek. I have risen out of immeasurable despair and ignited my soul’s flame (this little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine!) to embody my calling of healer and serve people like you.
Your body tells the story of your life, and if you suffer, it is telling you that something needs to change. Symptoms like depression, pain, anxiety, and other “mysterious illnesses” are all ways that the mind-body-spirit attempts to get your attention. The problem is that no one is listening! To tune in deeper than most know how, I created a therapy method I decided to call Sovereignty Therapy because the point of it is to set you free! It combines my intuition with all the teachings I absorbed from the last 20+ years of study. (Learn the details here.)
You need all parts of you understood to become whole.
This is where I come in – to help you decipher what your body is telling you through symptoms and life’s many disturbances. However, this is NOT talk therapy which can leave pai, issues, and emotions remaining within your body. The goal of Sovereignty Therapy is to clear old patterns and reset the nervous system, leaving you free to move forward in wholeness, breaking the cycles once and for all.
If these ideas resonate with you, commit to yourself and let’s work together to heal the problems in your life. Like Jesus, I’ll meet you where you are – wherever that may be.
Here’s my oath to you:
“I will go with you into the deep end of your fears and pain until you emerge transformed. I understand the effects of trauma, escape, and numbness. I will boldly stand by your side and show you how to find your path to fearlessness. Subject to literal hurricanes in my youth, I will hold the space of the eye of the storm as you learn to embody wonder, pleasure, and delight, and the storm within you can finally be over.”
Call or text (602) 600-4355 to get started on the journey to the brightest you!
